Like Mother Like Daughter

I feel the need for a short and sweet post to make up for yesterday's long winded one.

Phoebe has always had an uncanny sense of timing. It truly seems like she knows when she is laughing and at what. Her school aide has a notebook that she writes in most days, letting me know which therapist she saw that day, what they did in class, etc. Last week I read the entry and laughed out loud to myself. It said "Mrs. Larkins was talking to the kids about listening and being quiet when she is talking and Phoebe started laughing so it was kind of hard not to laugh too." I had flashbacks of years worth of progress reports that said "Missy needs to learn to control her talking" and "Melissa disrupts the class by talking to her neighbors". I s'pose she'll ace all the artsy subjects and fail math as well...

Naming Children and Other Natural Disasters

We had such a hard time naming Tessa. It was hard enough picking out Phoebe. Will people be able to spell it (sometimes), will people be able to pronounce it (often not), will she grow up hating it, and therefore us, because of it? (I doubt it) Besides when it came down to it, she just looked like a Phoebe. Now Tessa came to us with a name already. I had a slew of over-analyzations, regarding her birth history. Would she long for the name that was the only thing her birthmother ever gave her? Did the name have meaning to her or was it just one that came to mind? I actually really liked the name she was given at birth but there were practicality issues, like family members rhyming. I also felt that if we were going to become her parents did we not deserve the privilege of choosing her name? It was a struggle that resurfaced often during the eight months we waited to find out if we were even going to be considered to adopt her. When we found out we could, we decided that yes, we would choose a new name for her. She was still an infant and would probably adjust with no problem. So we debated and flip flopped, and I even told the attorney's office that her name would be Delaney, a combination of letters from her birth names that I thought would somehow make up for removing the name from her completely. That just didn't sit well with us and a few days later I called them back and we changed it to Tessa. It just fit. I was pretty sure the spelling and pronunciation problems were solved, but the final question, would she grow up hating us for it? We'll see. It was several months after the adoption and the name change that I Googled it to see if there were any famous Tessa's out there. The website http://www.tessa.org/ came up and my curiosity was piqued. When I clicked on it and saw the name The Texas Severe Storms Association I knew it was meant to be! We often call her Hurricane Tessa, because nothing can stop her, and she leaves a wake of destruction in her path.

So I was thinking about my yin and my yang and all the ways they have proven to be opposites thus far. Tessa is a ball of energy that never slows down. You just know that if she's awake she's moving, probably through a bunch of stuff you don't want her to. I was trying to decide if there were any natural disasters that compared to Phoebe in a similar way. After a debate with my friend Heather over which is worse, California's earthquakes or Texas' tornadoes/hurricanes, I decided that Phoebe is like an earthquake. She is quiet and sedate most of the time, with little rumblings that are just under the surface and no one notices until BOOM! everything is chaos. Then just as quickly life returns to normal and you forget about the danger that is there, just under the surface. Like when she gets sick (all of February this year, yippee) she couldn't call out "Mama my tummy hurts" like Tessa did, thereby allowing us an opportunity to be prepared. She woke up in the middle of the night and threw up all over her bed, jarring us from peaceful sleep only to find that the chaos was already over and now we just had to clean up after it. 6.3 on the Richter scale. Or the times she has surprised a caregiver with a "love bite" in the arm. 4.8 Or the time she jumped off the couch hitting her head on the coffee table giving herself a concussion. 7.5 My argument with Heather was that at least a Hurricane or Tornado has some warning. Initially you know that there is a storm coming, and then as it gets closer they tell you to be on "watch", then if you are in serious danger there are sirens and you know to hide in the bathroom and hold on! Earthquakes go years in between without a disastrous one, but when it hits it could be "the big one". After years of living with both types of disasters, the literal and figurative ones, I call a tie.

The Proof is in the.....Mud?

Oh, I only wish it were pudding. But I must say that whenever our family passes a bug around Tessa has it the shortest. Amazing immune system. We were passing time at Buffy's house (Buffy is the ex-wife of my second cousin, now married to a BP agent, and mother of several boys, the youngest being Sam, 3, not related to us because he's from marriage #2. Got it?) So, we're hanging out at Buffy's house, Phoebe enjoying "her" rocking chair, me enjoying some adult speak, and Tessa playing with her best buddy, Sam, in the backyard. The little ones sounded like they were having lots of fun so Buffy went to check on them and squeeled, then locked them out. I knew I was in for it. The last couple of times she played out there they had found some potting soil and apparrently showered in it. Do you know how hard potting soil is to get out of dark, curly hair? I do. I grabbed my camera and went to check out the damages. This time they found a patch of freshly watered grass and created a mud pit...when I asked her if she ate it, she replied gleefully, "YEAH!".

Share and Share Alike

I was laboring over a photography blog, trying to get it just so, make it look professional and useful for potential clients at least until I get a "real" website up and running, when I had one of those days. You know, where things are so crazy you start to realize how easy prison life really is. Those people can sleep 23 hours a day if they want to! And can the food really be any worse than the ramen or Lean Pockets I consume late at night once the kids are finally in bed? I doubt it. And I bet they don't have to change a single poopy diaper all day. So anyway, after one of those days, I was met with one of those moments where you know your kids have won. You keep a straight face trying to retain some dignity but they have WON. You don't even bother with discipline because it only wears you down. I realized I just have too many of these days (pretty much every other one) and it wasn't fair of me to keep all this drama to myself. So I whipped up this little blog to share with everyone. Plus, when my kids are grown I can use this as evidence in court. Evidence of what you ask? I'm not sure, but I have no doubt it will prove useful!

Easter 2008

Tim's parents drove out to visit us in March and we spent a week with them including Easter. On a day that Tim had to work I took them to see the Tumacacori Mission with the girls. The garden there was beautiful, and Tessa did her best to bring it home with us.

We all went to the Old Tucson Studios to see some Western movie sets and paraphernalia. Tessa liked driving in the cars with Gramma Pat and Papa Bob.

And panning (or should we say digging) for gold with Daddy.

The boys went shooting one day. Lots of fun. The girls went to Madera Canyon and played in the snow. More fun.

Relaxing after a long day. Oreos anyone?

I was giving Phoebe a bath (you can see her foot in this photo) when I left the room for 20 seconds Tessa decided she wanted one too.

I coerced the family into a few photos on Easter Sunday. They turned out great! I'm glad I did.

Tessa thought the visit was lots of fun and couldn't stand to go to bed one night when the adults were watching a movie. She snuck out of bed and stayed in the hallway so she wouldn't be noticed.

Fun with Gramma Jo

My mom came out to Arizona to help manage the kids during Tessa's surgery and recovery. It's nice that mom's job allows her to work from any computer, so that she could relocate to our house for a month. The kids loved the extended visit.

Eating at a buffet with soft serve ice cream - Gramma's favorite!Gramma is great at giving rides of all kinds; in boxes, on her back, on her legs, bouncing in the jumpolene...Talking to Pa Pa on the phone.

Walking in Madera Canyon snow. Eating the snow, throwing the snow...

Sneaking into bed with Gramma was fun since her futon was right next door to Tessa's room. Poor mom did not have a comfortable bed but I think she secretly enjoyed living next to the computer. Back at Madera Canyon when the snow was melting. Tessa's bandages didn't stop her exploration.

Phoebe always wants to walk. Tessa became fairly fascinated with anything medical. She used the real stethoscope auntie Shawna gave her to check on Dallas' condition. Mmmm, kettle corn from the neighborhood fair.

Making healthy peanut butter cookies.The Gauntt cousins couldn't bear the thought of Gramma being so close but not with them. James and Elizabeth stayed with us for a weekend and Mom was able to squeeze in a few days with them before going home.

Tessa's Surgery

Tessa was born with postaxial polydactyly, an autosomal dominant trait; an inherited anomoly found in all races but more predominant in children of African descent. She was born with seven digits on her left hand - a thumb, four typical fingers, one very small finger, and one tiny digit made of soft tissue only (no bones or muscle). The seventh was clamped and fell off at home when she was one month old. The sixth digit on that hand did not bend very well and she did not seem to have much control or use of it. Her right hand had a thumb, four typical fingers, and an additional finger that looked like a typical pinkie, that she was able to bend and control fairly well. She was born with syndactyly as well on her right foot - an extra digit webbed in with two others. When a neighbor first noticed her fingers (after many months of being neighbors) she was astonished and pointed it out to her husband. His reply was, "oh, cool, just like my mom" which shocked his wife as he had forgotten to mention for the last decade or so that this was a family trait! Since his mom's extras had been removed, her daughter-in-law never knew she had been born with polydactyly. Most people born with poyldactyly have had the extra digits removed at birth, which is why it seems so uncommon; we rarely (if ever) see someone with more than the usual twenty. It occurs about once in every 100 African American female births. More common in males, less common in Caucasians. Asians with this gene typically have an extra thumb, whereas Africans have post-axial, or outside, little fingers. Interesting, huh?

Well, we consulted with orthopedic doctors right from the start and the general assumption was that she should have them removed. I didn't oppose the idea, but they recommended waiting until she was a little older for the surgery. By the time we moved, found new doctors, and needed to make a decision Tessa was about 18 months old. Her hands were strong and coordinated, people rarely noticed her extras and they were just beautiful little toddler hands. Now the decision to remove those adorable fingers seemed so much harder. There was the possibility that she could be teased, but there also was the possibility that she would be considered unique. One hand seemed fully functional while the other had a pinkie that did not really function. The surgery could go as planned or there could be an error or an unexpected problem and she could lose the use of her whole hand. Not to mention the risk of general anesthesia. There were cons for every pro I could think of. The deciding factor was when they did full X-rays and found that the extra digits didn't have growth plates. In children, a growth plate is located at each end of a long bone, eventually forming into bone itself. It determines the future size and shape of the bones. Without growth plates, it was likely that the extra digits would not grow as the other fingers did and would become more and more different and probably less functional by the time she was an adolescent. We decided to proceed with the surgery. Marked for accuracy. Not a big confidence booster. The x-rays showed her 6th fingers were connected all the way to her wrist. Very unusual to have polydactyly that well formed. In utero, our hands and feet start out like paddles, and as we grow the digits seperate. People with polydactyly just keep growing and splitting, or with syndactyly (webbing) they don't split.

They found on the x-rays that her extra toe was actually the one in the middle of these three webbed toes. It didn't connect all the way to her foot like the others. They decided to just remove the outside toe anyway (what was number 5, rather than number 6) because it was easier and they weren't going to undo the webbing. Apparently that is a much more complicated surgery than the removal.

Waiting for the doctors.

We had taken some comfort things for her, one of which was a stuffed lambie that she liked at the time. They let her take it in to the operating room with her, and when we came out the nurse had wrapped the lamb's three limbs in similar fashion to Tessa's. We had to wait in the post-op room until she could keep some sips of water down and be somewhat awake and coherent. Total time in and out was just a few hours.

She was feeling pretty crummy, groggy and clingy after the surgery but it didn't last long. By the next day she was learning how to use her new oven mitts to do all of her usual activities. I had asked the doctor to leave her thumbs exposed from the bandages so she wouldn't get too frustrated, but I'm not sure that was even necessary. The oven mitts didn't even slow her down!

Ta-da! Checking out the results after the bandages came off. She was intrigued by the stitches but never seemed to notice a difference in her hands. Thankfully, she still had complete use of her hands, full strength and highly developed fine motor skills.

Let Me Entertain You

I don't think she tries to entertain us, but she certainly does. These are all from January '08. Apparently she was particularily cute that month. Dressing up in crazy outfits, exploring the house, the yard, the neighborhood.

And occasionally she sleeps.