More Memories in CA

In the past year, Phoebe's birthmother, Melissa, has been in direct contact with us rather than going through the agency like we used to. I have really enjoyed this new stage in our relationship. It's not necessarily more casual, but having occasional, direct contact feels more natural and puts our relationship in a dynamic like others that we have more experience with, such as close friends and relatives. Melissa coincidentally made a comment about wishing we lived in CA so that I could take some portraits for her, right as we were planning our trip to CA. We talked about the possibility of meeting up and when the weekend arrived we both decided that it was a good idea. We met Melissa and her husband and three boys at O'Neill park, not far from where we used to live in RSM. The portraits came out pretty good and the kids had a blast playing with each other. Melissa made peanut butter cookies as a bribe for the boys to smile for pictures, so they were all on a little sugar high. Tessa is just a little older than Cody and they were pretty funny together. Ryan, 5, was able to show off a little more prowess on the playground but Phoebe got tired after just a few rides on the slide. I love the picture of Tim and Phoebe at the bottom of the slide, and all the other kids who slid down and ended up in the pile. They were cracking up over that. It was a fun couple of hours, and I really enjoyed spending time with Melissa for the first time since Phoebe was tiny. She said it was a good experience for her too. On the way home I was inspired to talk to Tessa a little bit about adoption, and explained who we had just played with at the park. She actually listened (previous attempts to broach the subject went in one ear and out the other). She repeated back some of the words I was saying and several times during the following week she would bring it up again, talking about babies in tummies, and birthmothers. She would always talk about Phoebe's birthmom so I made sure to clarify that she has one also. She has a long way to go before she will really understand what adoption is and why it makes our family special, but I am just laying the foundation for now. The current view in the adoption world, which I totally agree with, is that children will better understand and accept adoption if they are aware of it from the beginning, and not have a "big reveal" moment at some point in their adolescence or adulthood. I think adoption has changed for the better in recent decades and there is a new attitude about the whole thing. In an age where being a single mom is totally accepted and supported by society, the women who choose to (temporarily) sacrifice their own happiness for that of their child is a true hero in my opinion. So, here's to modern day heroes (and heroines).